compassion

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I suppose it is possible to cobble together a living doing all sorts of odd jobs but I must say it cannot be easy, nor is it an efficient use of one’s time!  At one time my life was more or less neatly segmented- so many hours working at an office, so many hours at home doing family stuff with the occasional oddity – vacation, accident/emergency, surprise visit by an old friend – scattered amongst the order.  Now there is very little order or routine.

I’m helping two people with their eBay auctions and thus am at their beck and call to some degree.  Neither is particularly organized at this point so I spend a lot of time troubleshooting issues with eBay, UPS, paypal, etc., and schlepping packages to the post office. This effort should net me around $400 this month.

I’m doing a few small writing/editing jobs; one fairly cut and dried, the other full of last minute interim deadlines that weren’t mentioned originally.  That’s another $193 (minus the money I’ve spent acquiring reference materials).

And I’m knitting cat beds (4 down, working on the 5th, a special order now).  $50 so far (minus yarn cost) but I haven’t made much of an effort to sell them yet as I’m trying to work up some inventory/choices first.

I’m taking online classes in child nutrition, fitting them in when I can, in order to be a more viable candidate for the Assistant Director of Child Nutrition position that I will apply for by noon on Friday.  I’m also crafting a very creative cover letter that will purport to explain why even though I have NO actual experience doing the job I’m applying for I’m still a good fit due to my wealth of management experience.

Oh, and I’m still applying for any and all jobs – most recently as an executive recruiter, an administrative assistant, a salesperson at a department store, and a part-time receptionist/call center employee.   No one has called in response to these applications.

I’m filling out various forms for financial aid (too late for many it appears) in order that I might enroll in the Medical Assisting course in January, and responding to repeated requests for additional information from the food stamp people – they need to know every last asset one might be able to convert to cash – including burial insurance – before they’ll release any benefits.  Good thing my life insurance can’t be cashed while I’m alive!

I’m juggling the kids’ activities (car wash and Christmas wreath sales fundraisers for beginning band), volunteering the the classroom (two days of archaeology workshops for 2nd and 3rd graders), and trying to keep up with homework.  This week is parent-teacher conferences for the younger two – the older two already brought home their report cards (all As) for the 1st quarter.

And I’m visiting my friend Tricia at the nursing home, less often than I should and with mixed feelings each time.  She is not very responsive and seems angry and withdrawn so I often wonder whether my visits are at all beneficial.  Her husband appreciates it though.  I sit and read passages from the bible to her, skipping around, looking for words of comfort.  I rub lotion into her dry, thin arms and hands and chatter on about the kids and the weather.  I’m not sure what sort of conversation I should embark on and feel awkward everytime I slip and say something like “How are you feeling today?” When I leave I invariably seek out a resident who looks eager for some conversation and company and happily push them around the halls or spend 15 minutes just talking to them.  It’s completely selfish of me.  It’s the only way I can leave with a good feeling.

No wonder blogging is taking a back seat.

Moving On

I think the back and forth between critics and supporters has run its course so I’m not going to approve any additional comments on this thread. I am open to advice and constructive criticism but I don’t feel the level of anger and hostility is at all productive.  I would like to say that I read a number of disparate blogs and the common factor in each is that I enjoy reading each of them.  I don’t waste my time reading blogs written by people with whom I have no sympathy, empathy, things in common or whose views I disagree with or whose actions I oppose.  If you find yourself in this position while reading my blog I encourage you to find other ones that bring you pleasure!  Whether you intend it or not hurtful and hostile comments significantly add to the stress in my life.  I have never negatively commented on anyone’s blog and I doubt I ever will.  It’s not how I was raised.

Life is short.  This is being brought home to me as I sit with my friend Tricia who is just a few years older than me but whose life, much of it spent as a homeless person, has been so much harder.  It was brought home to me again yesterday when I ran into a lady in the grocery store.  She had an adorable little Chinese girl with her and I stopped to chat and was saddened to hear the little girl, and her 2 sisters had lost their mom to breast cancer earlier this summer.  The neighbor lady was looking after the girls.  MeiMei, aged 3, asked me if I had lost my mommy.  I told her I had (11 years ago) and she was sorry to hear it and said, ‘That’s sad.’

People, please – as I tell my children when they are in conflict – think whether you are making the situation better or worse.  Wherever you can do what you can to help.  The Thanksgiving holiday is approaching and there are sure to be folks in your community who are in need.  Maybe they don’t need food, maybe they just need some company.  As I was leaving Tricia’s room the other day an old woman in a wheelchair spoke up as I walked past her.  She said “Push me! Push me! Push me!”  I told her she sounded like my kids when they were learning to ride their bikes.  She said “I just want to move.”  So I took an extra 10 minutes and pushed her around the hallways, stopping to look at the birds in the aviary and the mural on the wall.  We talked about our children and what we had seen and then I parked her near the desk where she could see what was happening.  She said “I wish you could stay.”  I promised to look for her on my next visit.  There were so many people in that home who really wanted a little attention, a little kindness and interaction.  I could see it as I walked by.  I’ll be there again tomorrow and I think I’ll find a few more people to speak with, to push around the hallways.

“At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge,” said the gentleman, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and Destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time.  Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.”

When the gentlemen ask Mr. Scrooge what donation they can put him down for, he replies “Nothing!” and suggests the poor take themselves to the workhouses or better yet, die and decrease the surplus population. 

Charles Dickens published The Christmas Carol in 1843, a time in Victorian England of a hugely increased population and a resulting increase in the unemployed.  Large numbers of both skilled and unskilled people were looking for work, so wages were low, barely above subsistence level. If work dried up, or was seasonal, men were laid off, and because they had hardly enough to live on when they were in work, they had no savings to fall back on.  There were children living with their families in these desperate situations but there were also numerous, homeless, destitute children living on the streets of London.  (From “Poverty and Families in the Victorian Era” Barbara Daniels, 2003).

That was over a century and a half ago and while we no longer have workhouses or debtor’s prisons, some things haven’t changed.  Back then the view of the well off was that “God loved those who helped themselves, while burdens on the public were weak and sinful.”  Never mind that then, as now, there were far more applicants than jobs.  Regrettably a similar attitude affects some people today.   

Luckily back then, as now, there was a push towards personal philanthropy, particularly at Christmas. As Bob Cratchet said in reply to his uncle Srcooge’s Bah Humbug,

“… I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round — apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that — as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.  And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!”

Christmas is traditionally a time of charity.  This year some charities are struggling to meet the increased need, and some have even been robbed (see these news stories: Thieves take safe from Christmas charity; Thieves steal money, food, from Orlando Community Food Center; and $15k in Toys stolen from Mass charity; among others).  At the same time some wonderful individuals have stepped up to the plate – reaching out to those in need.  Take for instance the Kentucky man who ran four miles in his Speedo to raise money for a family that lost their 6-year old daughter, most possessions and their home in a fire. Donation elves followed him with buckets and $6,500 was raised for the family.  And in Indiana, Santa delivered 70 bikes as early Christmas presents to needy children who might have gone without gifts.  Then there’s the young designer who turned her talents to designing a coat for the homeless that can be turned into a sleeping bag!  She didn’t stop there – she started the Empowerment Plan – and is hiring the homeless to make the coats, which are then given away for free.  How cool!

And my personal favorite – a cat missing for 4 years, delivered home safe and sound on Christmas eve!  By the way- our cat is also home for Christmas, returned by our friends as she did not get along with their cats.  I am enjoying having her back with us while at the same time missing my middle daughter especially at the holidays!

We have been both a recipient of Christmas charity, and a benefactor to others this year.  The children were invited to a Christmas party complete with Santa and a Piñata and small gifts. The school secretary gave my son and daughter new scooters.  Packages have arrived at our mailbox, some anonymous, some with warm wishes from friends.  And today a very large box of canned food was delivered! 

Our cup runneth over and we are sharing with those less fortunate.  We drop something in at every Salvation Army Kettle (those kettles have been around for over 100 years – started by Salvation Army Captain Joseph McFee in 1891) and have prepared and delivered over 2 dozen gallon sized zip lock bags filled with new socks, toothbrushes, and food to the homeless.  And yesterday I was lucky enough to be placed in line at the grocery store behind a young woman who was buying a healthy Christmas dinner for her family – ham, veggies, rolls and milk.  Her debit card was refused and with obvious reluctance she put the ham back and ran the card again.  It was refused a second time and, with tears in her eyes, she pushed the cart away and turned to leave.  My bills are paid.  The kids have gifts to open tomorrow and our pantry is full.  I had a little bit of ‘extra’ money.  So I paid her bill and tomorrow two families will enjoy a Christmas dinner. 

Tonight after dark we will drive to a local neighborhood that traditionally ‘over decorates’ and enjoy the lights and music before heading home to hang stockings and head to bed.

Thanks to all my readers who offer support of all kinds while we struggle to regain our footing.  May you all enjoy the kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time of Christmas!  May the new year bring us all prosperity!

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