I apologize in advance for the “woe is me” tone of this post but I’ve had a blow and am feeling a wee bit down. This afternoon, one day before my health insurance coverage was to go into effect (assuming the paperwork was even filed), my boss and the office manager called me in to say there just wasn’t enough work to keep me on staff. That’s it. They had the layoff form ready and a check for this last week. After I pay rent I’ll have a couple hundred in the bank.
I have to say that this is harder the 2nd time around. The first time I had no doubt I’d be back in a job in no time at all. Having lived through being unemployed for 2 years I have no such optimism this time around. I didn’t have a chance to build up any safety net and didn’t get to have my tooth fixed, or my eyes checked, or a prescription for my migraine medicine filled. I feel old, and tired and defeated. And I really wish I hadn’t just paid for several weeks of after school program care that I won’t need but cannot get a refund for.
I’ll file for unemployment again but I don’t even know if I’ll have any benefits coming to me, having almost exhausted them before being hired and making such a minimal amount of money in the past 3 months. I didn’t even get to be considered for a new job (and yes, I did apply for two) while I was working. Now I’ll be back on the blacklist as an unemployed worker.
I had such plans. I made a budget that would get us into an apartment by this time next year – or maybe even allow us to put a down payment on a mobile home. There’s so much I wanted to give the kids, now I’m back to not knowing if I’ll be able to pay for the things I’ve committed to (such as the $30 a month trumpet rental for beginning band, the internet connection…). I was even thinking about a triumphant ending for my book! I haven’t told the kids yet. After picking them up from school (and surreptitiously telling the after school manager that we won’t be back after next week) I went shopping for food. Having a full pantry helps me feel secure!
It’s interesting how much this really feels like a blow – I was energetic and feeling fine this morning, working on a sort of advertising letter to send to architects and planners, now I have an impending migraine, and my entire body feels achy!
Feeling a little lost today. Tomorrow its back to the job ads and networking with a different goal.